Worst Review: Split

There has been a lot of buzz circling around M. Night Shyamalan newest film Split, featuring James McAvoy and some actors that nobody cares about [Ed. I care about Anya Taylor Joy], it has been regarded as the director’s comeback film as many consider a lot of his more recent work to be garbage. Needless to say, I have not watched this film but I am going to write a review anyway. You will click it and waste your time reading this paragraph only to realize that I am just making things up. As usual, if you don’t like it then there are 1 million other online reviews to choose from, but if you feel as though you would enjoy the trainwreck that is this review, please carry on.

Just to clarify that I have no idea what I am writing about. Here is the first paragraph again to make it look like this review has depth even though it is a giant disclaimer stating that I have not watched this film.  There has been a lot of buzz circling around M. Night Shyamalan newest film Split, featuring James McAvoy and some actors that nobody cares about, it has been regarded as the director’s comeback film as many consider a lot of his more recent work to be garbage. Needless to say, I have not watched this film but I am going to write a review anyway. You will click it and waste your time reading this paragraph only to realize that I am just making things up. As usual, if you don’t like it then there are 1 million other online reviews to choose from, but if you feel as though you would enjoy the trainwreck that is this review, please carry on.

Split is a film that follows Buster Bluth in his years after Arrested Development doing things that people with split personalities do, such as shift personalities. I’m not exactly sure what has made him so angry throughout this film as many speculate different reasons, mine being that after the Banana Stand got burned down, he was given an expired coupon. Along with Buster, the film features some sort of screwy M. Night Shyamalan twist where it turns out that the film doesn’t really follow Buster Bluth but rather it turns out that it was James McAvoy the entire time. This is as shocking as when the balding guy in The Sixth Sense was Bruce Willis the entire time and honestly I can’t think of anything else to make up about this film so here is the disclaimer again.

There has been a lot of buzz circling around M. Night Shyamalan newest film Split, featuring James McAvoy and some actors that nobody cares about, it has been regarded as the director’s comeback film as many consider a lot of his more recent work to be garbage. Needless to say, I have not watched this film but I am going to write a review anyway. You will click it and waste your time reading this paragraph only to realize that I am just making things up. As usual, if you don’t like it then there are 1 million other online reviews to choose from, but if you feel as though you would enjoy the trainwreck that is this review, please carry on.

[SPOILER ALERT, IN CASE YOU HAVEN’T ACCIDENTALLY FOUND OUT THE SHYAMALAN TWIST YET]

Am I looking forward to the sequel to this that crosses over into Unbreakable? Yes, especially since some dumb shit article’s headline on Facebook ruined that whole surprise for me. Needless to say, that may be the only correct that that I have said during this whole review but here is the disclaimer again

There has been a lot of buzz circling around M. Night Shyamalan newest film Split, featuring James McAvoy and some actors that nobody cares about, it has been regarded as the director’s comeback film as many consider a lot of his more recent work to be garbage. Needless to say, I have not watched this film but I am going to write a review anyway. You will click it and waste your time reading this paragraph only to realize that I am just making things up. As usual, if you don’t like it then there are 1 million other online reviews to choose from, but if you feel as though you would enjoy the trainwreck that is this review, please carry on.


You can find some spoilery thoughts on Split here.