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Category: Movie Reviews

Thoughts on Independence Day: Resurgence

Thoughts on Independence Day: Resurgence

Alien invaders count as horror, right? I thought so. Here are a handful of random thoughts about Independence Day: Resurgence. 1. Brent Spiner is a perfectly fine actor, but Dr. Okun was entirely too prominent in this movie.  The first Independence Day was the perfectly amount of Okun: get in, say some awkward things for laughs, have an alien tentacle wrapped around his neck and get out. For this movie, it was almost like someone said, “Hey, what if we…

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Krampus: Movie Review

Krampus: Movie Review

It’s a bit late in the year for me to be writing this (due to the film in question being a holiday film), but you’ve heard of Christmas in July, have you not? It’s approaching and so, with that, I would like to talk about the film Krampus, while I am listening to the Jailbreak album by Thin Lizzy. Before I get started, I need to state that I haven’t seen Krampus since it was out in theaters, but I bought…

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Halloween III: Season of the Witch

Halloween III: Season of the Witch

Remember when two highly successful movies were made about a silent psychopath who killed people like it was his job* and followed it up with a movie about a sinister organization making Halloween masks stuffed with Stonehenge fragments that would activate when a commercial played, turning the mask wearer’s face into a sludge of snakes and spiders?  Do you remember a scene when we saw snakes crawl out of the face of a child? Do you also remember that the…

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The Fog: Movie Review

The Fog: Movie Review

Synopsis: On the eve of its centennial celebration, a fog bank appears off the coast of Antonio Bay in California.  People are murdered.  Windows are shattered.  Electricity flickers.  It vanishes at the stroke of 1am, but it returns that night.  The fog, you guys.  THERE’S SOMETHING IN THE FOG. Thoughts: I have a terrible confession: I had never seen this movie before.  As I mentioned recently, I have seen the remake many times (fine, I’ll say it: I’ve seen it…

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Chopping Mall: Movie Review

Chopping Mall: Movie Review

Synopsis: In an attempt to shore up their overnight security, a mall unveils their new plan: metal security doors  that will close at night.  Also, three patrolling robots.  They swear the robots are non-lethal, but that doesn’t explain their onboard head-exploding lasers.  Some teens decide to have an after-hours party in a furniture store.  Lightning strikes the mall, the non-lethal robots are turned into murder machines and the teens try to survive. My thoughts: The original title of this movie…

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The Poughkeepsie Tapes: Movie Review

The Poughkeepsie Tapes: Movie Review

Synopsis: Authorities find over 800 VHS tapes made by an elusive killer in and around Poughkeepsie, New York.  We the viewer – most of whom are absolutely not police or FBI agents – get to watch some of these and see what terrible things this killer did.  Awful things.  Twisted things.  Why did they let us watch these? My thoughts: This wasn’t as much out-and-out scary as it was supremely unnerving.  I had to keep telling myself, “This isn’t real,…

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Hush: Movie Review

Hush: Movie Review

Synopsis: A deaf, mute female author lives alone in a fairly secluded house in the woods.  A man in a creepy mask shows up, kills her neighbor and terrorizes her. My thoughts: This seems like a pretty standard home invasion movie, but I gave it a shot because it was directed by Mike Flanagan.  I wasn’t overly fond of Absentia, but I loved Oculus so I was looking forward to what Flangan would bring to the table within the home…

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Stung: Movie Review

Stung: Movie Review

Synopsis: Genetically modified super-wasps descend on a gathering of rich people.  If you get stung (STUNG, you guys.  I just got it) by one of these wasps, you will become a person-sized wasp.  So kind of like zombies, except with wings and a stinger.  But hey!  Maybe you can produce some delicious honey.  (Wasps cannot produce honey.) Thoughts: I don’t have a whole lot to say about this one.  It was a b-movie creature feature.  It was a decent amount…

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Kristy: Movie Review

Kristy: Movie Review

At its core, this is a slasher movie about a girl who stays on campus over Thanksgiving break and finds herself stalked by 4 murdering psychopaths.  The psychopaths kill a couple security guards, and the only thing standing between our heroine and certain death are her own wits. It’s pretty standard slasher fare.  As far as standard slashers go, this was a pretty good one.  Yes, there were some pretty huge leaps in logic, but that’s to be expected.  (People…

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Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse: Movie Review

Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse: Movie Review

Have you ever found yourself watching Superbad and thinking, “I wish there was a less well-written version of this with zombies and more annoying characters,”?  Then this movie is for you! That sounds harsher than I mean it to.  I apologize to the scouts and their stripper friend.  Let’s break it down. Ben, Carter and Augie are sophomores in high school.  They are Boy Scouts.  Augie loves being a scout.  Ben and Carter are planning on quitting – because being…

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The Witch: Movie Review

The Witch: Movie Review

For the third year straight year a horror movie has made the festival rounds and has received rave reviews from self-proclaimed non-horror fans.  In 2014 it was The Babadook.  In 2015 it was It Follows.  In 2016 we have The Witch.  I consider myself lucky in that I was able to avoid trailers for any of these films (which I was shockingly able to accomplish without even trying too hard).  However, it was impossible to ignore the hype they all…

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Cabin Fever: Movie Review

Cabin Fever: Movie Review

This is a pretty much shot-for-shot remake of Cabin Fever (originally released in the not-so-distant past of 2002).  There has been a lot of negative discussion about the fact that this remake even exists, but I had two things in my favor going into this: 1. I’m not a particularly big fan of the original Cabin Fever.  It’s fine, but I never understood the love it gets. 2. I don’t really have an issue with remakes. With that in mind,…

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Poltergeist (2015): Movie Review

Poltergeist (2015): Movie Review

As I’ve mentioned many times in the past, I got into horror pretty late in my life.  I remember watching some horror in my early teens, but it didn’t really hook me until my mid-to-late-twenties. Maybe that is the reason the trend of remaking treasured horror movies doesn’t really bother me. Even if I really like an older horror film, I don’t have the nostalgia for it that a lot of people do.  (Then again, I watched Ghostbusters many times…

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Creep: Movie Review

Creep: Movie Review

This is a found footage movie, and the set-up is simple: Aaron answers an ad placed by Josef, a man who is dying of cancer.  As a father-to-be, he wants someone to record a day in his life, so his son will be able to see the kind of man his father really was.  Josef even references the film My Life, in which Michael Keaton does pretty much the exact same thing.  I kind of chuckled, because I love the…

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